All you have to do...

I'm not a believer in most relationships, for the same reason that I'm not a believer in most religions; anytime your happiness is dependant on the actions, opinions, or approval of someone other than you, you're just asking for grief. The simple fact of the matter is that relationships and religions are formed of people, and that people - by and large - suck.

With regard to religion, even if you are part of Marx's masses taking the opium, you must have noticed that religions these days are simply tools used to control people. Which is reasonable; it works better then pretty much any other means of control, something the was discovery pretty early. History seems to indicate that the actual teachings of Jesus were corrupted into 'Thou Shalt Nots' within just a few years of his death. The teaching themselves, as expressed in the Gospel of St. Thomas from the Dead Sea Scrolls, are actually very Zen-like in their expressions of life. 'The kingdom of heaven you are looking for is already here.' 'Split a piece if wood, and I am there. Lift a stone and you will find me.' Above all the lessons were live simply, be honest, and don't do what you hate. There is no discussion of sin, or fire or brimstone, and naturally the Catholic Church utterly denounces the writings as heretic. Can't have the sheep thinking thoughts about how the ultimate goal is to stop being a sheep. And if people lived simply and honestly, how would they afford tithing?

The only modern(ish) religion that seems to have things even remotely right are the Zen Buddhists. I don't believe in those teachings either, since I don't think wisdom and enlightenment necessarily require abandonment of worldly concerns. Why the hell is the world here, if not for us to enjoy it? But the Zen monks are all about personal empowerment, and have the right idea about philosophy: their position is that you do not learn wisdom, you find it. There's an old saying about holy hermits: the only wisdom you will find on a mountaintop is the wisdom that you carry there with you.

What does this tell you?

Stimulus for enlightenment is all around us, and free for the taking. Check out Richard Bach's Illusions (the book which saved my life, and concurrently did much of the damage that turned me into the person - for lack of a better word - that I am today). Don Shimoda, who quit his job as a mechanic to be a messiah, then decided that the job wasn't really for him, has this trick where he can use any written material to find the answer to any question. It works, too. The trick - as Don says - is usually as simple as asking the question the right way. Wisdom is everywhere; the trick is learning to see how the world reflects the wisdom you already have. It's not something Out There that you let in, its something within that you LET OUT.

Thus, it's no real surprise how rare it is. People these days typically learn self-empowerment from Tony Robbins seminars, and WANT to be led through their lives by rules and commandments from third-parties, because doing so is a hell of a lot easier than thinking for themselves. As in the Allegory of the Cave (or the Matrix), the vast majority of people are not ready to be unplugged, and will rebel violently against even the concept of non-conformity. They will never fly, because they can't let go of the ground. So why should we expect them to have enough confidence in themselves, their abilities, and their thoughts to give them credence over the rote teachings of the officially Ordained?

I think this is a direct parallel to modern educational systems, which are geared towards memorization of facts, and teaching kids WHAT to think instead of teaching them HOW to think. Parents take note: the greatest lesson you will ever teach your child is HOW TO LEARN. Don't teach them facts, or figures, or formulas. Instead, teach them that if they are interested in a subject, they are fully capable of learning about it. It is NOT beyond their ability, and how-tos are readily available at the library or on the internet. Do not teach them! Just show them how to learn about things they find engaging. They will do the rest, and will grow in their own time into something exponentially more vast than whatever facts and figures you might drill into their heads by rote.

But I digress. A bit; the confidence gained through a person who knows they can do anything is a huge step towards letting wisdom out, so a non-standard (and non-religious) upbringing will help in all sorts of areas of life.

The bottom line is that wisdom is everywhere. Which turns me to relationships. I was recently watching late-night TV on one of the five channels I get, and I heard Dr. John Dorien describing relationships. His position is that they all suck. They are never smooth, they are never easy, and are typically a lot of work. Even when you're in a good relationship, it's not a cake walk, its just a relationship where you care enough about the person that you face the fights and arguments and problems head on, because you refuse to let the relationship go. Where WHO you want becomes more important that WHAT you want. The summation line was one of the wisest things I have ever heard: if you want to make things work, all you have to do is WHATEVER IT TAKES.

Most relationships are not based on that sort of mutual dedication. In fact, I think most relationships are based on co-dependency. Where people end up togther because they are unwilling or unable to deal with being alone, and then fall into a rut where they've been with someone for so long, and they really don't want to disturb their comfortable status quo. So they stay together. Relationships based on symbiosis and convenience, rather than on love. How often do we linger in unpleasant situations, from inertia?

I'm not sure there's a point to all this; I just find it interesting.