2012 Campaigns. Already.

I already hate the fact that next year is an election year. And it makes me wonder exactly what the fuck is going wrong with our electoral system that nobody can seem to come up with a decent presidential candidate, even when they only have to make the effort once every four years.

Lets take a look at the recent elections. Remember two presidential elections ago, when George W. was the incumbent? Nobody approved of the job he was doing. Everybody thought he was a moron. His political grounding was limited to his family name and his days in college splitting eight-balls with Ivy-leaguers from similar families. Hell, as president he spent more time ON VACATION than any president up to that time (although this record has already been broken by Barack Obama), and the country seemed to function better when he WASN'T in the White House making decisions. If ever there was a winnable election for the Democrats against an incumbent president, that was it.

And who was the best candidate the Dems had to offer against a known buffoon? John Fucking Kerry. Mr. Waffler extraordinaire, and the only human being on the planet who was less impressive on mass media than was the idiot sitting president. Well played, Democrats. Well played.

Fast forward four years. The Democrats, smarting from the result that Kerry - their career-politician mouthpiece - lost to a known moron, go in the absolute opposite direction, and rally behind Barack Obama. Who cares that he has no real experience in politics. Who cares that none of the ideas of his platform withstand even cursory application of reason. He will get 1) the black vote, 2) the mexican vote, and 3) the liberal white vote, by simple dint of his skin color. All fluff, no substance, and he didn't even pretend that he had something other than all fluff and no substance. A black man, with no political track record or hard-money corporate support, fresh off a blood-bath primary win over Hillary. If ever there was an election that the Republicans should be able to win, you would think this was it.

Who, pray tell, was the best the Republicans could produce to oppose him? John Fucking McCain. The guy who couldn't even beat out George W. for the nomination last time around, and who in the meantime had gotten no younger, no more media friendly, and no more mainstream than his conservative Arizona senatorial constituency required him to be. Well played, Republicans. Well played.

Things are gonna be different in Mattopia. First of all, digital media will be barred from all campaign speeches and debates. No teleprompters. No ear-bud radios. Not even aides holding up cards for the candidate to read from. Each politician can have as many note cards and cheat-sheets as he can carry with him to the podium, but once he's there and proceedings are underway, he must either continue with what he has, or yield the floor. There will be gaffes. There will be blunders. But the people will see and hear that actual candidate's position on whatever the topic of discussion might be, not a prepared speech or position statement. The political handlers will need to educate the candidate on the issues, and work with him to prepare a position, rather than simply having him read the words off the teleprompter. If nothing else, it will guarantee a higher standard of intelligence than most elected officials in the world, since Mattopian elected political officers will at least be smart enough to deliver a speech from memory and note cards.

I'm not sure this will result in any less douchebaggery in politics, but if nothing else, we should get plenty of laughs at the expense of politicians forced to address issues based on their own intelligence and preparation, rather than their ability to convincingly act like they give a shit while reading a prepared speech.