Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Bureaucracy

My brother Sneaky Weasel ('SW' hereinafter; as mentioned, we all have code-names) lives in a small town in the pacific northwest. It's nice up there. Green. I don't think I could ever live there (the nearest "civilization" is Eugene, OR, and if you have to ask, you wouldn't understand), but it's good for his outdoorsy lifestyle, and only moderately damaging to his kids. This way, he can be fairly sure that his kids are fucked up because of their family and upbringing, instead of their friends, school, or other societal factors. But it's good having him up there, since visiting is essentially a vacation in the woods, and about as stark a change from the Las Vegas deserts as can be imagined. It's fun sledding over the winter visits, and paintballing over of the summer visits. While it's (VERY) far from perfect, it does okay for SW and his family.

But at some point along the way, SW got volunteered or otherwise talked in to being a city councilman. For my other brother (GL), a government position would be endless schmoozing and having a good time, devoid of actual responsibility. But not so much for SW, who kinda likes to get things done expediently. Here's a little anecdote.

There is a cracked water main beneath one of the streets in SW's very small town. Not a gusher mind you, but still serious enough that there are standing puddles in the area, and as might eventually lead to some sort of subsidence, which is never a good thing in a downtown area. For most rational people, including SW, this seems like a pretty clear issue with a pretty clear solution. Unfortunately, it turns out that Oregon is essentially Massachusetts West in it's political leanings: SO FAR TO THE LEFT, THEY'RE BACK AROUND TO THE RIGHT. After all, this is the place where the modern tree-hugger was born. With such liberals calling the shots and making the laws, it is pretty much impossible to get anything done. Here's a dramatized account:

SW: "Hey, how about if we get someone to fix that cracked water main? We're losing money, and it would be good if we dealt with it before it gets worse."

Drone(s): "We'll need to get a licensed contractor."

SW: "Okay. How about if we get a licensed contractor to fix that cracked water main? We're losing money, and it would be good if we dealt with if before it gets worse."

Drone(s): "Well, to pick a contractor, we need to put the job out for bidding. Then we have to wait a period while bids are submitted. Then there's a review period for for the bids, and a vetting process. Then we'll have to address the bids and bid selection in a publicly noticed City Council meeting, so the public has a chance to comment and express their concerns. In the meantime we can get started on requesting the construction permits from the county and the state. Also get started on an environmental impact report, which we'll need to farm out to a state-certified inspector. Once we have a contractor selected, we can get in touch with OSHA so they can come out and look at the site for safety reasons, since the leak is beneath a public street..."

SW: "The city is losing money EVERY day from water just seeping into the ground. How long is all this going to take?"

Drone(s): "About three or four months to select a contractor. That should be long enough to get the permits lined up as well, so long as we pay the 'rush' fees in addition to the usual rates. I don't know how long the OSHA waiting list is at the moment. They won't even talk to us until we have a contractor selected."

SW: "And I guess that OSHA is not going to do their part for free, are they?"

Drone(s): "Nope."

SW: "Okay. So we have to pay peoples' tax-dollars to have all this contractor selection process. We have to pay more to get the permits. Then pay for the environmental impact study. Then pay OSHA for them to rubber-stamp the project. Probably a few other people to pay for rubber-stamps. We also have to pay for all the water we're losing while all this is happening. Then, of course, we still have to pay to get the work done."

Drone(s): "By a licensed contractor, yes."

(Several seconds of silence.)

SW: "How about if we just ignored all that shit. Have somebody go out there some night, dig up the street and fix the pipe?"

Drone(s): "That's illegal. The state would fine us."

SW: "How much is the fine? Is it less than the cost of doing it legally? Crunch the numbers. Be sure to include the value of the lost 300,000 gallons we'll have to pay for if we wait four months to start digging."

Our government bureaucracy has actually reached the point where corruption and blatant disregard for the law is the only way to get things done efficiently and cost effectively. Every lawyer in the country gets taught in law school about the theory of "efficient breach," which is the idea that sometimes it's more efficient to ignore a legal obligation (and bear the consequences) than it is to adhere to the obligation. That's what happens when a pro sports team fires a coach who is under contract: the team is still bound to the contract terms requiring them to pay the coach, which contractual obligation is unaffected by the firing. But when a coach really is that bad, and you're already on the hook for his salary anyway, sometimes it's better to just eat the loss of his ongoing salary and go in a different direction than it is to continue to let the guy 'work.' In situations like that, "efficient breach" has a long-standing tradition.

But it depresses the hell out of me that municipalities in this country are considering "efficient breach" arguments regarding the laws that theoretically govern their own actions and functions. Because things should not reach the point where those sort of de facto insurrections should be necessary just to repair a fucking leaking pipe.

But don't worry. Barack is going to fix everything. He's going to pass some legislation. Call for reform. Appoint a Czar and commission a special committee to perform a six-month study of the matter, and make recommendations. Don't worry. The matter is being addressed, but you really can't expect results overnight. Just give us time. Don't call us, we'll call you.

And that health care thing? Don't worry about that. Once that's under government control, it will be model of efficiency...

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