Another Animal For The Zoo

As fall creeps inexorably upon us, I must, alas, speak of football, lest I explode. I know most of my readers don't give a rats-ass about ANYTHING football-related. Except Lisa, and even her attention is largely limited to the Griz (which is understandable) and the Cowboys (which in unforgivable). But although I love you guys, I don't always write for you guys, and I'm in one of those states of mind where I REALLY need to write about SOMETHING.

So. Football. The big news this off-season is the Michael Vick thing, who signed this week with the Eagles. This surprised me only a little. Having a through-and-through class guy like Tony Dungy in his corner gets him a lot of respect, and provides at least the reasonable confidence that Vick is not going to GET CAUGHT doing anything else illegal and/or idiotic. To be honest, Philly (and probably a few other teams, to lesser degree) didn't need any more assurance than that.

Of course, having Tony as his babysitter doesn't change the fact that Michael Vick, whether or not he's still doing it, is a man who - for years - bred, participated in fights between, and even personally killed household animals (in creative and brutal fashion, no less) because HE LIKED IT AND THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD FUN. But we're all about second chances aren't we? Especially when that second chance might give the home team another angle in the rushing attack. So make no mistake, Philly and its fans are going to embrace Vick. If for no other reason than that Philly fans are absolutely incapable of rational thought when it comes to their sports teams, they will continue their rabid support, games will continue to sell out, and any PETA protesters that might be in attendance should at least be aware of the possibility of getting shivved by a hard-core fan who's had a bit too much Yuengling.

Makes you proud to be an American, eh?

For my part, and setting aside that I'm a dog kind of guy, this signing pisses me off because it astronomically increases the Eagles chances of winning the Super Bowl, and I'm not a fan. Philly is gonna be strong this year. And not because of anything Vick might contribute on the field, mind you. Guy is three years older, hasn't played a snap, and was over-rated at his best. The Eagles' on-field product was looking pretty good to start with anyway; whatever raw talent he might bring, Vick will be a drop in the bucket, especially since the #1 guy on that team wears #5, not #7.

His contribution to the game will probably be minimal. But Vick's contribution to the DRAMA is already remarkable.

Seriously, think about Philly and the Eagles. Do you think there is any possible way that they might carry away a Lombardi Trophy with class and dignity? NO. FUCKING. WAY. If they win it all, there needs to be strife, contentions, angles for recriminations, and "Yeah, but look at what you had to stoop to to win." Hell, their best finish in the last 20 years came with Terrel Owens and his associated side-show in their locker room. Think that was a coincidence? With all this drama, all this contentiousness, and all this off-the-field bullshit, the team, the fans, and the city will be foaming at the mouth and running through walls all season. Even if Vick never takes that field, and barring serious injury to Mike Westbrook, the Eagles are gonna be tough.

Think about it. If they win a championship with him on the roster, then football history, for all eternity, will recall that the Eagles where finally able to climb the mountain after they signed the most notorious and publicized ex-con in the history of the game. Since this is the Philadelphia Eagles we're talking about, do you imagine a championship could happen any other way?