Birth Defects

As I might have mentioned, I'm in the process of trying to write something decent, in which I provide a series of Rules (and supporting commentary) for the benefit of guys, who are incapable of figuring things out for themselves. It's fun. Time consuming, and slow going - after spending all day sitting at a computer at work, I generally don't want to spend all evening sitting at a computer at home - but visible progress is being made.

But as I work through the Rules, and especially as I write the associated commentaries, the underlying theme has become increasingly crystal clear. And what it boils down to is this: Woman live their lives at the mercy of their hormones. Men live their lives at the mercy of their own egos.

Guys tend to get pissed off at women for being loopy, flighty, inconsistent, illogical, and occasionally downright bat-shit crazy. One of the Rules (The Lunar Cycle/Lunar Psycho Rule) actually reads: "She will occasionally flip out and do/say/feel crazy fucked up things. She cannot help it, she usually doesn't mean it, and she will get upset if you bring these things up at a later date. Weather the gale or jump ship of your own choice, but accept that there will be those storms." The reason for this, I have come to believe, is the continually fluctuating levels of hormones that she is suffering from. There is no possible way to tell what a woman is thinking, because - aside from a fairly constant buzzing of worrying about pretty much everything that's happening and might happen - women change their mind about whatever it is they're contemplating several times over the course of any given day/hour/minute. They can't help it. It's just the way their electro-chemical programming works.

As for guys, we generally don't have that problem with fluctuation. We spend pretty much our entire lives at fairly high levels of hormonally-induced sexual excitation, on the off chance that a woman might suddenly deign to put out. We need to be ready for that, because god knows it doesn't happen often. But as we don't suffer from the swings, it's hard for us to understand the various mood/mind swings.

Further, being continually amped-up on testosterone means that men are generally oblivious to most of what is happening around us. Male electro-chemical programming results in us perpetually thinking of ourselves as James Bond, or Walker, Texas Ranger (or some other character; I personally consider myself more a Thomas Crown type). Our lives are a movie - starring us, of course - and it is completely inconceivable that the script should call for such things as professional failure, angry girlfriends, or the idea that we are less than spectacular in bed. We're the Star, after all! None of that shit can happen to us! If it looks like that is happening, it must be a mistake, because there's simply NO WAY that the hero in the movie falls victim to that shit.

Most of the problems in our lives, and nearly all our problems with women, stem from the fact that, as guys, we are pretty much incapable of getting over ourselves to the point where we can actually notice what's going on around us. (Of course, all of this only applies to other guys. Not to me. I'm the Star in this flick, after all.)

The battle of the sexes is based on the genetic failings of the participants. That's the sum total of what I've learned from my current recreational writing project (other than blogging, that is). If you want to hear more about this, you'll probably have to read The Rules.